Self Abandonment, the New Self Acceptance?
Good evening,
I have something to say.
Grief is an emotion generally associated with the loss of a loved one. This association can make experiencing different types of loss challenging to process because they may seem trivial in comparison. However, grief is a deep melancholy evoked by loss, undifferentiated by the sort of loss. You may have felt the internal conflict rise in your heart as you attempt to justify your grief to someone because of your judgment towards the reason for your pain. Maybe you thought your threshold for pain was too weak, or that there were other people experiencing worse. Whatever the case, we can set out to minimize, dismiss or deflect the sources of our pain, but that does not change the emotional reality that a loss is a loss. And more importantly, it hurts.
In an attempt to find a remedy for this sort of pain, the world we live in has concocted many ways for us to lose grip of the present moment and temporarily lose sense of ourselves. This lapse in presence can give us the illusion that there is nothing to unpack, explore or discover within ourselves, which could not be any further from the truth. These ecapses, whether conscious or unconscious, numb our minds and hearts to who we are and placate our desires of being other than we currently are. This self-abandonment has become normalized and sometimes even encouraged as a means of relaxation or enjoyment.
Interestingly, some of us are already familiar with self-abandonment masquerading as self-improvement. For years, you may have created an idea of who you wanted to be. This version of yourself may have been your idea of what you thought you would be like if certain circumstances were different, or just a projected image of what you thought you would be like in the future. You might have thought that in the future you would be thinner, richer, wiser, friendlier, happier, or that when circumstances change, you will achieve these things. But, as life continues and what you once saw as the future becomes the present, you may have been confronted with the reality that who you are and who you want to be are painfully distant. Digesting something of this magnitude, while you scroll past self-love posts on social media, may feel isolating, defeating or even agonizing. Thoughts of you not doing life correctly, imposter syndrome and self-limiting or defeating beliefs may plague your mind and consciousness as you avoid the massive elephant in the room. Self-acceptance.
Why does loving ourselves, and I mean all of our known self, sometimes feel so challenging and dare I say, mediocre? Why does it feel like we need to have a reason to be satisfied with who we are, while also recognizing we have room to grow and evolve? The level of perfectionism increases with each generation and with each social innovation, creating a demand for more of ourselves, while paradoxically giving ourselves less of ourselves. Societally, we have become so numb to this that self-loathing, self-abandonment, and self-deprecation have somehow become tools used to display “tough” self-love. From #skinnytok to dating culture, cruelty and rage bait are the new currencies that move the masses to act.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to evolve and improve yourself; however, it becomes an issue when there is no room for you to exist currently. If you find yourself rushing to exact change in your life for you to accept yourself, I invite you to put down the escape and face your fear head-on. Yes, it is painful to be other than you think you should be, and yes, the world can feel unforgiving in regards to that. With that said, you slowing down, acknowledging and accepting what currently is is the fastest way for you to get what you want or anything close to it. Not only will you arrive, you will be with yourself, which ironically is exactly what you want. You will be able to sit in silence without fidgeting and enjoy being present. You will be able to hear hard truths about yourself without feeling unworthy, and feel encouraged to work on them. Ultimately, you will be able to look at yourself figuratively or literally in the mirror without flinching and embrace who you see before you.
I owe you nothing and have no reason to lie to you. You are worthy and, most importantly, you are sovereign. As you continue to experience life, striving to increase your awareness of these facts every day will sustain you the whole way.
Journal Prompts:
What truth am I struggling to acknowledge and accept about myself?
Where did I learn to feel ashamed about this part of myself?
How can I regain my sense of empowerment?
Who can I share this with to hold myself accountable to actively loving myself?
How have I benefited from self-abandonment?
